Carrie's Journal

Blame it on my A.D.D. baby.

About me ::
can i help you
playmoby
I am putting this up front for anyone who is new/just visiting/old to my journal.

So here goes ::

My name is Carrie. I was born in the wee hours of September 5, 1980 in Tacoma, Washington.

My mom was alone when she gave birth to me.. My dad was out “hunting”. I think that was quite possibly the last time he ever went hunting.

I grew up in Bonney Lake, WA with my mom, dad, and two brothers, Curtis and Travis. They continue to torment me to this day.

I grew up in a mobile home. Does this make me trash? I don’t think so. I see it as it gave me perspective on life. Hopefully, I will not live in a trailer again…. 20 years was enough.

how far does the rabbit hole go? Collapse )

I think I have said enough. As always, ask me anything.. if ya want.

(no subject)
fuck off
playmoby
Still no resolution for Jacksons upcoming school year. Finally went all the way up the special ed food chain only to find out that the Interim Director of Special Education is none other than a Mr. Wyeth Jessee. Some of my long time readers will know exactly who this is but to refresh your minds and new I direct you to this entry: http://playmoby.livejournal.com/1155179.html

Yep. Same guy.


/heart is breaking again.

Update
Cry.
playmoby
No stroke or mini stroke.

Just diagnosed with Arterial Hypertension that caused a major migraine (his first!).

He is now home resting.

(no subject)
can i help you
playmoby
Steven is in the ER. They are testing for mini stroke or another kind of blockage. I am so fucking scared.

(no subject)
can i help you
playmoby
My mom is coming to stay with us for a few days to help my brother have a break.


Things were really bad today. Like really really bad. and I almost took her today but she has a dr's appt tomorrow so I will pick her up after that.

I hope to God this helps.

(no subject)
breaking inside
playmoby
I can't deal with this anymore. Him, Jackson, the deaths of my mind m and dad. My brothers. I just can't deal with it anymore and then don't know what to do. I want to disappear.

(no subject)
can i help you
playmoby
rain. glorious rain. i miss thee. 

(no subject)
can i help you
playmoby
Hello.

how are you all? Weve been ok.

sorry I have been so quiet. My keyboard is a bitch to type on... as it jumps around a lot for whatever reasson.


I do miss you all. 

(no subject)
breaking inside
playmoby
I am jusr exhausted. Just fucking exhausted.

It's midnight
breaking inside
playmoby
and i sit here, awake. I have been trying to keep this in and to myself for too long now.

I am severely depressed.
You would think that with a new house and everyl.thing, things would be going peachy.

I am very stressed. between the new house, and school, and work and jackson's school... its just so much. I cant function with it all

I was going to take a summer class. That has been shelved because I need a break! As it is right now, I get up at 6am, drive jack across town to school, then back shome. Then to my school, and back home. Then to Jacks school to pi ck him up... and home. and then if it,is a work night, to work which is across the street from jacks school and back home.


Its just a lot, man.

and yes, I am on antidepressants. Its mostly for my anxiety issues, but it helps with my depression too.

le sigh. I will get over this hump too. Until then, Insomnia it is.


update on things
can i help you
playmoby
So I went in for my mammogram and ultrasound.

I do not have anything that resembles breast cancer.

YAY!

So that is clear.

The gall bladder issue? still not a problem but apparently my liver is enlarged and they suspect fatty liver disease. Which is totally controllable. I just lose some weight and eat healthier. I think this health scare has defintely made me see the  light.



Here is to happiness and healthiness! 

(no subject)
beautiful trent
playmoby
s on friday because I had some horrible pain in my back and in the past, this has always been a bladder infection. so I go in, give a urine sample and..... wait. and wait. and wait. Finally the NP comes in and tells me that the sample came back negative, but asked me more about my symptoms. Turns out, they suspect my gallbladder is acting up. So I have an ultrasound for that today.

When she asked me if there was anything else I wanted to talk about, I mentioned that I had recently d iscovered a bump on my left breast. I have breakouts on my breasts occasionally (thanks, sweat!) and I had originally thought it might be part of one of those. But then it didnt go away. So she did a breast exam on me, and not only found

the one I was talking about, but also discovered two other ones.


Commence manjor freak out!

My grandmother had breast cancer.

I have a mammogram scheduled for tomorrow. so I will know more then. but I cried all friday night. It was baaad.

I am super scared about it all. But there is nothing I can do right now but hurry up and wait.


If it comes back to having to have surgery and something removed, I am totally having a boobie party. Where we will have boobie cupcakes and boobie cookies, and where the guests are encouraged to wear their most cleavage showing top.


and until after tomorrow, I pray. 

(no subject)
can i help you
playmoby
I really wish my mom wouldn't tell me about what my dumbass brother says when he actually calls her. It makes me so angry. 

(no subject)
queen of hearts
playmoby
i had a crazy ass dream last night.

I dreamed that I was running down our old street carrying a knife and fork and a dog was chasing me. oh did I mention that I had no pants on? so i threw the fork in the bushes because I thought people would see me as weird if i was running with it. (as if the knife and pantlessness wasnt a tip off) and then I was laying on the ground crying cause I was pant less and up rides Queen Latifah on a MOPED and gives me her windbreaker for me to wrap around my waist.

and then I woke up. 

(no subject)
can i help you
playmoby
Just waiting for loan stuff and stuff with the house. We updated the pictures.. you can find them here: http://www.greenhauz.com/house

In other news, Jackson got in an all out fist fight at school on Friday. That was exciting. But he was able to self regulate afterwards and that was unprecedented. So I am happy about that. Monday he went back to school and made it a few hours then fell apart. Was screaming and kicking at everyone. I got to the school, saw the school security guard restraining him, and I lost it. I very rarely lose all out control of myself and my emotions but I did.

Monday was really rough. Thank God I had therapy that night.

Tuesday the helicopter crash happened. Steven had worked at KOMO and its companies for over 8 years. So it hit him really hard. WHen they say that it is like a family there, they mean it. It is.

Anyways, thats where I am at.

How are you??

Update
Jackson
playmoby
Jackson had an ultrasound at Children's and they determined that his appendix was fine. whew! so now we just have to supervise him for the next few days and hope that the pain goes away. The final decision was that he is suffering from immense constipation. (surprise!).

I am just happy that my little man does not have to have surgery.

Thank you all for all your thoughts and comments last night. They meant the world to me. <3

(no subject)
breaking inside
playmoby
Jackson woke up screaming in pain this morning at one am. Finally got him calmed down and back to sleep in about an hour later. Took him to the doctor this morning and he ordered blood work, a urinalysis, and an ultrasound of his appendix. The bloodwork and urine came back normal, but the ultrasound showed an enlarged appendix. Now were at childrens waiting on more tests. :( i am so scared for my little boy.

(no subject)
Tom
playmoby
Hello.

So. The house. We have been here for over 11 years in the same rental. So its time to move on. I know this. I feel this. and I also know that its not going to be tomorrow either. ITs just hard to say goodbye to something that you have known for so long. I mean, I grew UP in this house. really really grew up. So thanks for all your support on this.

Jackson is home sick today. HE has a really really bad cold/flu. I even called out of work for it. I dont want to leave him alone.

Hope you all are doing well.

(no subject)
Hank people cant make you happy.
playmoby
I have a sad.

I knew this day was coming. I knew that it was fastly approaching.

Rent is being raised and we have been given a soft moveout date of a year and a half.


Its just hard.

Okay
breaking inside
playmoby
Now that I have had time to process and cry and vent and everything, plus talking to a friend this morning who was at the meeting last night that this all went down at, I am ready to feel.


I am mad. I am pissed. I am hurt. This is bringing up all those feelings about being hurt and misunderstood with the whole thing that went down at broadview. I was pissed then. I was hurt then.

I am doubling those feelings now.

From my freind's perspective, the one guy (young like 20 years old) was the one who did most of the talking about how much jackson is and how he wants jackson to quit (he didnt actually say this, he said "I dont know if scouts is the right fit for jackson"). EIther way, any way, I am mad about it all.

I am going to take some time and try to wrap my head around it all and then proceed without mama bear roaring alive.

Until then, I am going to help heal my husband. He was very hurt by all that was said last night, and I need to help him heal.


Thank you all for all your comments on the post last night. <3

.
breaking inside
playmoby
One of the main scout leaders wants Jackson to quit boy scouts. Because he is "too much."
I cant. Just cant even begin to process it at all.

(no subject)
Tom
playmoby
would anyone local be interested in seeing a Shakespeare play (a movie of one) with me in mid February, on a tuesday, in Port Townsend?

(no subject)
Hurt
playmoby
It is with a heavy heart that I carry tonight. I just wish we had someone who could truly understand our situation with the Aspergers.

Its just so hard sometimes.

(no subject)
Jackson
playmoby
Got a call from Jackson's school today. He had an incident in which he went into the advisors office today to talk about getting back computer time at school. She and his teacher told him they hadn't had a chance to meet and talk about it yet and he got upset. The conversation went up and down a few more times, and then when they were getting ready to go back to class, jackson sat his chair in front of the closed door and refused to move until they agreed to let him have computer time.

Rose, the security guard, had to push the door open to get in, in the process hurt jacksons hand.. which then set him off again. He lashed otu at rose, and scratched her arm. Then the remorse hit him. and he was so sad and sorry. They calmed down together.

Then Jackson was able to SELF REGULATE himself and CONTINUE on to class. THis is a huge step people. HUGEEEE! This just means that if we keep up with this, that he will eventually be able to self regulate himself before that point of no return (earlier).

When he got home today, I sat him down and asked how his school was. He first tried to brush it off as it was a great day, nothing has happened, etc. But he knew I knew something was up. we talked about it and I told him how I was happy that he was able to self regulate, but that there still had to be some sort of small consequence. I told him he could have his hour of computer time, but that was it, and if he fought me at all, he would lose his hour the next day.

HE seemed satisfied with that, but we will see when it really comes to that time. RIght now I am just kinda on cloud nine about the self regulation.


I almost want to burst out into this song:


(no subject)
Cry.
playmoby
I had a rough day today.

First off, steven and I got into an argument this morning. And he ended up being hurt by it all. So I went to work (almost late, too) and it threw my day off.

Then at about 1:20, I was called back to the office by one of the managers, who told me he had to write me up because my till on Monday night was $34.44 short. I cant believe this. I didnt knowingly do anything. He was all like dont worry, its gonna be okay. this is your first write up so its not a big deal, yadda yadda yadda... but it WAS a big deal. I didnt take any money (not that I think they think i did anyways), but also, I pride myself on my work and I fucked up somewhere. and Thats why I am mad and upset with myself and everything. I took a few monutes for myself and cried in the bathroom. I then went back up for the last 40 or so minutes of my shift and i was asked many times by other coworkers if I was okay. I told them I was just tired because I didnt get much sleep the night before.


Anyways, So I am still upset about it, but Life will go on... it is a learning experience and I just gotta watch it.

But I didnt do anything purposely wrong. :(

(no subject)
can i help you
playmoby
I have a lot of thoughts running around in my head. I just dont have the time nor patience to write them all out.

Weekend was hard. I went to work on Sunday all upset... i tried very hard not to let my personal life affect my work life, and I did a pretty good job however I was making paging calls like "COuld I have customer...... back up cashier up front" and stuff like that. My supervisor told me later that it was quite amusing.

When I got home on Sunday, after my bad day, Steven told me not to take off my shoes yet because we had to go to lowes. well he took me to lowes and had me pick out christmas lights to put up outside. THat was nice. That helped make my day a little brighter.


So there's a post coming i just dont know when.

Sometimes....
can i help you
playmoby
it is so hard to be a punching bag. :(

(no subject)
can i help you
playmoby
facts are facts and they can not really be changed. I dont think that people really like hanging out with us as a family. Only seperately. Or am I totally off base here?

If it waa that people love to hang out with us as a family, then why arent we invited to more thing? just sayin.

I think i have a vefer. yep. that's it. a vefer. I have a santana song stuck in mhy head.. .maria maria... grown up in east LA... bleh bleh bleh spanish harlem..... dddd carlos santana!

I also have a shakira song stuck in my head too.. and sometimes the two mix together and gel and well.. thats scary. And just tehre! I was reminded of my favorite Collection soul Song.. its called Gel and its about gettin it on. I would play it loud and on repart wehn I was like 15. oh yeah.


Why was I always the girl who was always sseen as the FREIND and never anything else? I mean, I wanted to have boyfriends. I am not saying that I am unhappy about the way thing went down in my life... having only one boyfriend, and marrying him... thats great. He is an awesome man and I wouldnt trade him for the wrodl. but I just dont get that griwubg yo b i ibe wabted ti be my boyfriend but that I was always a great freind to have. Was I that fucking tomboysih? I guess so.

I dont even see any guys who are even intereesed in me now.... but then again, I am not relly looking for that. o theres that.

Seahawks are gonna win the super dong this year. I can feel it. Woo woo and I am going to win some cool crap from tem.

QUESTION if you were in the middle of a two story target and an earthquake happdened. What would do? what would you do... if sy you had a young child with you. Where woud you run or take cover. Do you then go try to get to your car or do you stay pout. Therese are all all the magical questions that go through my head on adaily basis. and its not really anything useful. Its all useless junk. LIke the fact athat I can remember that elijah woods birthday is Jan. 28 81 I eman how do I remember that. Although I will say that is the birthday of one of my gal frriends growing up, Leiloni.

hello
can i help you
playmoby
hi there. sorry I havent been around.

I started school last week. Thats a different experience. all the kids are so young.. and immature... and well..... it's strange to be in such a different place than where I was last time I was in school. anyways. it seems to be going well.

my mom was just in the hospital for 2 weeks. I just talked to her and she didnt sound good at all. I dont know... I am just trying NOT to think about it.


Breaking bad was last night. wow what a finale. I saw a post on FB about the best tweets from the finale last night and the one htat said that Jesse had finally reached Notebook worthy look was spot on. He was hot! and now I know why.

I really dont have a lot to talk about. I have been in a funk lately.

jackson's writing for Language Arts
Jackson
playmoby
Hello There! Welcome to my story on my family and pets! I Really Hope You Enjoy This!
We will start with my mom. My moms name is Carrie I Stelter And her hobby is Singing
And Baking. My mom also likes cooking. Then meet Steven J stelter, he works for Sanduske radio and he likes to draw and invent new things. Now meet Me, I am Jackson G Stelter I LOVE Videogames such as Minecraft,Simcity, And Others. I like to build legos and I like to bake with my mom At the same time i go to Whitman Middle school to learn and study the periodic table and mathematics and chemistry.



________________________________________


awww my little snug bug.

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